There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
