Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
