You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
