if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
