yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
