The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
