Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
