atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
