Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
