Screwed.edu
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
