I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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