I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
