Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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