You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
