Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
