dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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