I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
