If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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