I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
