I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
