You really coming over, don't trick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
