Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
