Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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