he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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