Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
