he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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