she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
