Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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