After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
