I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
