So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
