There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
time to smoke my breakfast
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two words...techno handjob
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's get the cat blown out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
