I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
