I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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