My hand turned me down
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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