new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
