She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
