there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
