I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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