small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
