This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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