my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
