Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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