Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
