I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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