And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
