My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
