RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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