Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
