The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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